The art of letting go.
The fact that I grew up in an environment where everything is under control made my life difficult. What’s worse? I can’t hate them. Because they’re my own parents.
Days before my German fiance arrive in my homeland, the Philippines, we talked about moving on as married couple. He told me to start anew. When he said that, he was cautious because he knew I’d breakdown in front of him. “I know I shouldn’t have said that but I did. I’m sorry, Schatz,” he said.
He reasoned out that my extreme negative stress surrounding me greatly affected positive thinking and well-being. Maybe because I am used with someone’s control over my life. Making sure whatever I decide is indeed correct and appropriate.
This is the reason why I couldn’t say letting go is simple. I believe it is the most difficult task any person could do. Personally, tetting go of this negative mental programming in overnight isn’t possible.
It will take years or a lifetime perhaps, I told him. He knew it would be a big challenge to change my way of thinking but he’s up for it.
That’s the power of love, I guess.
How I learned the art of letting go in day 1?
There are easy ways to learn the art of letting go, yet, they are not necessarily simple. Especially if it requires changing your habits now. The adage says, “You need at least 21 days of repetitive practice to make a certain routine a habit.” It’s true.
As someone suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder and major depression at the same time, I could really say that trying to change your old habits could be hard. In my case, I consciously make efforts to bounce back the negativity around me every single day. Making sure that what others are saying to me aren’t true to who I really am.
If I return to my old ways of thinking, I could have gotten worse than now. Controlling your inner demons living inside your head is something any person will never imagine. It’s like a constant battle against yourself.
This is the reason behind my decision to start my personal advocacy of “The Art of Letting Go” as a part of “#BeatDepression” campaign. You can see our weekly video releases to see more. Click here.
Method #1 — “Bounce Back” Method — What do I mean by that?
I coined this term to define the first step you could do when learning the art of letting go. It simply means you don’t absorb the negative stimuli within your environment. It doesn’t matter if it’s within your workplace or your home per se. The important thing is you start believing yourself and you see your own worth as a unique person.
When you do this simple step with consistency, it might sound stupid, however, it is effective. Through giving yourself the change to imagine the invisible crown placed on your head, you will be surprised.
When I did the first time this week, I slowly started to have the full control over my thoughts. Given that I am also suicidal, this simple step made a lot difference.
Although I lived within the bounds of negativity around me every day, in my own home, I unintentionally barred their sentiments and complaints of me, preventing them to get inside my head. And slowly, I embraced positive thinking and well-being that I as well as my husband wanted for me.
Right now, I could say that the art of letting go necessarily requires complicated steps to follow. As simple as learning the “Bounce Back” method, you will feel the difference within a day. And in the next few days, weeks, months, you would feel it. That time, it’d be clearer.
Method #2 — Practice Ujjayi — Yoga Breathing Exercise
The first time I learned about this was a bit surprising. Like I said in the previous point, this method also sounds lame. No complicated stuff, you know. I love that. Honestly, I didn’t know that what I have been doing in the past was already ujjayi until today.
Weeks ago, I clicked on this YouTube video because of an interesting title. “The Fastest Way To Lose Weight Within Weeks.” It sounded spammy, but I was that curious that it convinced me to do.
The video briefly explained the Japanese method of reducing weight through breathing. According to science, the fat stored in the body usually breaks down after the oxygen is processed and becomes carbon dioxide. That’s the waste we exhale every time.
If a person does this consistently like 4 to 7 times per day, losing weight is highly possible.
So, I thought I could try this one because I wanted to lose weight without doing boring exercise routines. I really hate that. Zumba? Aerobic exercise? Nah, it’s never my thing. Ugh. I rather walk a kilometer early in the morning than doing these things.
Anyway, I tried. Initially, I thought “Yeah, this will help me with my weight loss goals.” But then, as the days turned weeks after I did, I observed much difference. It wasn’t really my weight that changed. But my mind.
I became more relaxed and maintained well mental being. I noticed I thought mostly positive all the time and the negative stress wasn’t bothered at all. Reason? I don’t know why but it felt like that.
Today, I read Lori Deschene’s article, the founder of Tiny Buddha, referring to this same breathing exercise. She stated that it’s also a form of yoga exercise called ujjayi. Because I found the name a bit weird, I asked Google. Google, help?
After reading articles, I landed to Melissa Eisler’s article from Chopra.com. She said that ujjayi, pronounced as /ooh-jai/, is indeed part of yoga meditative technique. It has been existing since a thousand years as a way to enhance hatha yoga practice.
Ujjayi is referred as the “victorious breath” or the “oceanic breath” because you’re simply imitating how the ocean waves sound through your breathing. You inhale the air until you feel this tension or stretchy feeling in your chest as it expands and exhale until your throat feels constricted.
The two methods I suggest in this post are based from my personal experience. So, I can attest the effectiveness of these two methods I have been doing since weeks. It sounds like a lot of conscious work. But it’s not.
You are a human. You breathe air. Therefore, the second method doesn’t have to sound dramatic to you. Because you are a human being, you immediately implement a certain coping mechanism to prevent from getting hurt…emotionally. Either denying or scapegoating, you are doing this anyway.
That means the first method will really be easy to implement to our every day lives. In fact, bouncing back the criticisms and rejections from others will only occur within your system. They won’t see how you cope with the negativity anyway.
Given these reasons, I believe that to master the art of letting go is through taking the leap of faith and commit to working the baby steps. You bounce back the negative stuff and practice meditative breathing exercises every day. In these ways you can start feeling better and think more positive than ever before.
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