21 things to develop positive self talk - Building Self

21 Ways To Develop Positive Self-Talk

“I am capable.”

That’s simple to say but difficult to believe. Especially if you aren’t used to praise or admiration inside your own homes.  Negative labels “idiot,” “stupid,” or “mistake” are considered norm in your families. And you’re used to it.

The thing is, you’re getting sick of them. These words are enough to destroy you day after day. They are a landmine that explodes once triggered.

You are in a complicated situation trying to defeat the invisible enemies. But they’re audible enough to hear them. And you are aware of that situation. The words they throw at you are blanketing you, silently tearing you apart.

Piece by piece. That’s sad.

My question is, have you ever thought of changing the situation? I know you’re already beaten up with people tearing you down. You want a big change in your life to live positively and healthily as much as possible.

I understand that because I live like that all my life.

Yet I chose to create a change in my system and consciously reprogram my negative software installed in my head.

How about you? Are you willing to take courage and slowly get rid of these toxic thoughts? If you are, here are some of the suggestions I gathered listed below.


Learn the 21 simple-but-not-easy ways to develop positive self-talk once and for all. This is an epic list. So, if you want change. Then read this post.


21 Ways to Develop Positive Self-Talk

1. Recognize the negative emotions buried inside you for a very long time.

If you have hated your father for 10 years, feel it. Don’t shoo it away and avoid talking about it. Even if it tackles your experiences with the most difficult person you’ve encountered, include it.

Through recognizing these kinds of concerns will give you peace as you release them into your system.

I did the same thing with my father whom I resented and almost-hated for more than ten years. I may have some difficulties handling it even to this date, however, it is much better than staying passive and staying away from this issue.

2. Always acknowledge the positive.

Other sources say “accentuate the positive.” It is true. You have to take a conscious effort to train your mind to acknowledge only the positive.

Instead of looking to how dumb you are after an inability to understand your boss’s instructions, see how you showed efforts to learn a new skill while working in the office.

3. Create positive scripts in your head.

“I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was,” Muhammad Ali said.

This is a great example of self-affirmation and a positive script you can replay over and over again. Think and act like Ali and you won’t notice your positive self-talk becomes a habit.

4. Replace negative influences with the positive ones.

If there is a need to stay away from your siblings, then you have to do it. Or else you’ll compromise your goal of positive self-talk. I have done this most of the time. With my parents.

I don’t want to make an emphasis on my peace when they go off to work during the weekdays. Because I know they are doing their best to earn for the family. Yet my less exposure to them gives me a break from criticisms I receive most of the time.

5. Never be afraid to face your fears.

This is hard if you dislike self-talking. Honestly, doing this is absurd because you see it as a subtle behavior of narcissism. But it’s not.

Telling yourself “You’re born great” or “You’re doing a good job with that stupid boss” is beneficial actually. In fact, Mayo Clinic encourages people doing it to lessen the effects of stress (through stress management) and eventually improves your health.

6. Stay in the present.

Negativity blinds people. This is how Beauty and Tips described the experience of zooming in the bad stuff. If you keep on caring those negative things, you lose track of the opportunities to enjoy the moment while giving fun solutions to your ongoing problems.

Eventually, you will find your days, months, and years difficult. Really difficult. This is because you choose to look at “How frustrating my day was?” instead of asking “How can I make this day happy?”

Rather than paying attention to the opportunities to make your life enjoyable and perhaps discover your possible business idea, you do otherwise. And the majority of us do it.

7. Focus on the happy and enjoyable moments.

“Happy, sha la la la, it’s so nice to be happy, everybody should be happy.” Who wouldn’t recognize Alexia’s popular hit song “Happy” in the late 1990s, right? Yeah, they just know the lyrics and sing their hearts out, but they’re not really happy when they did.

That’s the sad reality, isn’t it? *sighs*

8. Never see any form of inconvenience as a catastrophe.

Most of us think that once we experience an inconvenience we feel it’s the end of the world. Let’s take this as an example. You are building your own company from scratch.

Every single day you spend working on every inch of the work. Then, all of a sudden you get sick. What’s worse, your doctor recommends a whole-week rest.

“Damn it, I’ll be a total failure if I can’t do the work for seven days!” Hello, it’s just seven days off versus your efforts of establishing your empire which stands for years. If you handle it well.

9. Internalize success positively.

Don’t filter for goodness sake. You are born great so achieving a lot is normal. But instead of acknowledging them, you tend to say “Oh, I wouldn’t achieve them if it was Mr. Bla blah’s help.” Or “I don’t think it was called an achievement. I bet many people can do it.”

Hello! If you were climbing Mt. Everest and you reach the peak, do you think you’ll say, “Oh, I know I reached the peak of the highest mountain in the world, but I think many people have done it.”

Duh, if climbing the highest mountain in the world was that easy, the whole globe should have reached the peak successfully. But no. Think about it.

10. Control anxiety through positive mantras.

“All is well.” I remember watching an Indian film “3 Idiots” starring Aahmir Khan and Kareena Kapoor many years ago. The character Rancho kept on touching his chest saying that mantra whenever there is a crisis going on.

I copied the same mantra afterward. It has the same effect as he did. I was able to do my work efficiently without worrying any unnecessary things. Try it. You’ll see the difference.

11. Rewire your brain through describing self positively.

“I am not good enough.” This has been your self-dialogue. That’s not a good habit. I’ll ask this question, how many times have you praised yourself in the past 30 days? I don’t think you could reach 10 times. If you did, great. You did a good job! *claps*

12. Take a courage to re-evaluate how you’ve been describing yourself.

Like I pointed out in #11, answering my question will allow you to review your self-description in the past 30 days. How many times have you praised yourself in the past 30 days? Honestly, I can’t even reach 10. Swear.

That’s how negative I am, my friend. This is the reason behind my intention of writing the post. It’s not just for your consumption but mine.

I’ve been my own worst critic in the past years, causing me so much distress and frustrations. Plus, fear held my neck for a very long time. But I’m fighting for it. How about you?

13. Always challenge the negative thoughts.

Psychology Today suggests that in order to fight your negative thoughts you need to recognize their presence. Wholeheartedly.

And instead of embracing them as if they’re your daily soul food, you need to counteract. You have to fight them with brutal positivism through doing a rebuttal.

So how do you basically do a negative self-talk rebuttal? Let’s take this as an example,

Negative thought VS challenging-the-negative thought

See the difference? Do it every day and make it a habit.

14. Make a conscious effort of changing self-talk through reversing the negative thoughts.

Through self-talk rebuttal (as I’ve explained in the previous point), you can challenge your negative thoughts every moment they appear in your head.

You have to make a conscious effort doing it to change your way of life and your negative thinking. If not, I have to say this but you’ll stay in that freaking rut forever.

15. Meditate with the positive thoughts repeatedly.

“Lord, I can do this. I know you’re at my side helping me, guiding me to present/do it the best as I could.”

I’ve done this positive mantra for years, however, my fear to embrace that change and my constant negative self-talk prevented me. This is a simple tip, but it’s never simple. “All is well” mantra is also applicable to this point.

If you can beat the negative stuff in your head, there is no impossible for you to reach your dreams. Why? Because no matter how difficult the situation is, your optimism and positive self-talk will save you all the way through success.

16. Laugh every day.

Oh, come on. This is really self-explanatory and I bet you know this. But you’re not doing it. You take life too seriously. Even the pettieset object that messes you up today, you make it a big deal.

Learn to relax and intentionally do an effort of turning the situation from serious to humorous. Let’s say, you were not able to attend the class early.

Your mind automatically responds like,

“OMFG, Mr. X will surely bring me to detention because I was late in class.”

It’s a serious situation. But turn it into humor. Do it like this.

“OMFG, silly me. At least I could make my next assignment if Mr. X brings me to detention. *laughs*

21 things to develop your positive self-talk
Photo by Jeremy Cai on Unsplash

17. Live healthily.

Healthy diet + healthy thoughts. Combining them becomes “absolute positive power.” Nobody could defeat that, my friend. Why? Let me give an explanation.

HuffPost explains that by just thinking negatively every day can surely make you fat. This is because you unconsciously doing binge eating when you’re playing criticisms inside your head.

Remember the ice cream drama when you’re depressed?

Lisa Turner of HuffPost says, “Mean self-talk makes you eat more, and hold on to excess weight.” She adds that this is because whenever we think negatively, we are activating the stress hormone called cortisol.

This steroid hormone is only utilized in the body if it needs a survival mechanism. Your body is trying to survive under your bad management. You are the boss of your own body but you’re not doing your good job.

Because of your constant negative self-talk, you activated the cortisol and you have elevated its number beyond the average which the body needs, according to study.

Once this particular hormone is used constantly under stress, it increases number and eventually creates physiological damage including diabetes, blood sugar imbalance, weight gain, obesity, immune system suppression, gastrointestinal problems, cardiovascular disease, fertility problems, insomnia, chronic fatigue syndrome, thyroid disorders, dementia, depression, and other stress-related issues.

18. Recall ONLY the good memories of your past.

If you keep old photos in your home, scan them and recall those enjoyable moments you had when you were a kid. But this time, filter with the good memories.

What were the unforgettable scenes you could remember in a certain photo? How did you feel when you first learned how to ride a bicycle? Stuff like that helps fighting negative self-talk.

19. Do the ancient Hawaiian Ho’oponopono Process.

This is actually the first time I’ve heard this process, however, I find it really simple. It only follows four-step paradigm to achieve healing.

  • I’m sorry.
  • Please forgive me.
  • Thank you.
  • I love you.

That’s all. Simple, right? Again, it’s never easy. But it’s effective.

Determining your faults to the other person and say “I’m sorry” in front of him/her is already difficult. Thinking about it now makes me teary-eyed.  *sobs*

If the first step is already at that level, how much more asking the person whom you hurt “Please forgive me?”

Never forget saying “thank you” in return to the favor from someone. On top of that, show them you love them through saying “I love you.”

Repeat these steps to every person you encounter, meet, and live with. Be it your friends, roommates, family, siblings, parents, husband/wife, or your children.

20. Practice NLP frequently.

NLP stands for “neuro-linguistic programming” developed by psychologists Richard Bandler and John Grinder.  This is a process of rewiring your brain through an approach intended to improve communication, personal development, and psychotherapy.

Well, we don’t have to dig in with the technical parts of this “school of pragmatic thought.” We just have to get the gist of the entire process.

The first principle of NLP is knowing what we really want and what we don’t. According to the study, we easily know what we don’t want in life, however, we can’t directly pinpoint what we like to have.

It says,

The importance of knowing your outcome cannot be stressed enough. Many people do not have conscious outcomes. Others have no idea what they want but know what they don’t want.

When identifying what we want in life, we have to know every aspect of it through sensory specific details. We have to know how it looks and feel like. As if they’re there existing in our own eyes. (Principle No. 2).

Then, we prepare ourselves to get that. This will be done through changes we need to undergo, making sure that our behavior will lead to that direction. (Principle No. 3).

At the end of the programming, you need to do something. NLP is about taking the action NOW. Not tomorrow. But today. Right now.

Learn the 21 simple-but-not-easy ways to develop positive self-talk once and for all. This is an epic list. So, if you want change. Then read this post.

21. Copy athletes’ consistent positive self-talk.

Are you familiar with the Olympians training?

Allison Van Dusen of Forbes writes that many people have no single idea how the athletes train to compete at a world class level. Many coaches like Jim Ochowicz, former Olympian, said that many people have tried doing the sport but they eventually give up.

What’s with the Olympian training and what makes it different from the rest of the training?

It entails a lot of preparation like four years ahead. They need to know their specific goals that long before they jump into the sport.

What’s more challenging is they have to take care of the details like their nutrition, routines, exercises, etc. to beat their friends (also athletes) and prove they can compete against the world-class athletes.

So, how can you copy their positive self-talk?

Take a look at some of the examples they would say during the training:

  • Endurance. “I’ve got an extra 10 minutes in my legs today.” “Be your best today & you’ll beat competitors tomorrow.”
  • Daily routines for 20-30 minutes. “I am my best athletic self today.”
  • Cool down mix. “I feel good about this accomplishment.” “I can’t believe how hard I worked today. Just think of where I’ll be tomorrow.”

So, are you ready for it? Are you willing to make a big change now and live the most positive life possible tomorrow? It’s up to you, my friend. Your future lies in your decision right now.

Gained anything?

How did you feel after reading this post? Were you inspired or touched?

If so, you can start your awesome journey through two (2) things:

  1. Share this awesome content with your friends, family, and fellow negative self-talkers.
  2. Share your thoughts in the comment section below.

That’d be a great start for your awesome journey, my friend. Be blessed. *waves*


Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

Be an agent of positive change! Spread the word, my friend.